Marbles in a Jar-Trust
A few years back, I had a meeting with a person that I had never met before at a place that I had never been. I told this person about some pain I was having in my shoulder. They recommended I take some medication that I had never heard of, but they said it would help. So, I took it. Does that sound crazy? Or would it help if I told you that this person was an orthopedic surgeon with a medical degree from Harvard. And they were referred to me by my primary care physician, who I've known for over 20 years? Another time, also a few years back, a person I knew asked me if they could borrow some money. A lot of money. They needed a three thousand dollars to pay off some credit card debt. They said they would pay me back within two years. So, I lent them the money. Does that sound crazy too, or do you now suspect that there is more to the story? Well, in fact, this person was someone I've known for over 30 years, and they had never fallen short of any commitment made to me or anyone else as long as I've known them. These two situations are different, but they both involve trust. I trusted the doctor, who I had never met, to diagnose and prescribe medication for me. I also trusted a longtime friend with credit card debt to borrow and pay back a loan for thousands of dollars.
Google Dictionary defines trust as a "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Merriam-Webster also includes a definition for trust as a "dependence on something future or contingent." So, in this case, trust is about reliance on another person about things that will happen in the future. Do you trust someone to pay back a loan? Do you trust someone to tell you the truth? Do you trust someone to give you good advice? Do you trust someone to get the job done correctly and on time?
In his book "The Speed of Trust," Stephen M.R. Covey identifies that trust is a skill with two key dimensions: character and competence. Character is a factor of a person's integrity and intent. Competence is a factor of a person's capabilities and results. A person with integrity is more trustworthy because they do what they say, and they say what they do. They are consistent between their intent and their behaviors. A person with intent is moral and ethical. They mean well and always try to do the right thing. On the other hand, a person's capabilities are their knowledge, skills, and abilities necessary to do what is needed to perform or complete a task, job, goal, etc. A person's results include their education, credentials, and experience, related to whether they've been successful in the past.
When you go to a new doctor, there is still trust established based on competence. For example, a doctor will have a medical degree and certification. They will likely have a good track record of patient support, whether diagnosing illness, surgeries, or other. When you loan money to a longtime friend, you will have character trust (and probably also competence trust). You will know them well and see that they are a person of their word, one with integrity and good intent in their actions. You may also know that they have proven results having paid back you or others in the past.
At work, building and maintaining trust is critical. We must trust our coworkers to hold up their portion of the team effort and get the job done. We need other functional areas to communicate effectively and follow standard processes. Our leaders must know that they can rely on us to get our jobs done effectively when they delegate tasks, and we must trust that our leaders have our best interest in mind and will make decisions that are fair and reasonable. In a team, trust is a foundational component to ensure open and transparent communication and psychological safety. For example, without trust between team members, issues may go unrecognized. Great ideas may go uncommunicated, and collaboration will stagnate. Without trust, we will likely not feel comfortable delegating tasks, expressing our opinions, or providing meaningful feedback to team members.
We build or degrade trust with others through our behaviors. Consider your trust with someone else as a glass jar of marbles. Each behavior or interaction you have that reinforces competence and character will add marbles to the jar. Each behavior or interaction that degrades competence or character will remove marbles. The more marbles, the more trust. When we tell the truth or do a good job on a task, we add marbles to the jar. When we provide someone negative or constructive feedback, if we lie, or otherwise degrade trust, we are taking marbles from the jar. Additionally, if you do something extreme enough to degrade trust, you may break the whole jar. And the thing about a broken glass jar is that even if you can collect most of the broken pieces, you can never put it back together quite the same way as it was. Here are some behaviors that Stephen Covey identifies as ways to build trust (put marbles in the jar).
Talk straight
Demonstrate respect
Create transparency
Right wrongs
Show loyalty
Deliver results
Improve
Confront reality
Clarify expectations
Be accountable
Listen first
Keep commitments
Extend trust
I mentioned earlier that trust is a skill. Trust is built through behaviors, and there are ways to enhance the process of building trust with others. When interacting with others, be clear about your intentions. Before you act, make sure you explain the "what" and the "why" of your action. Before you take action, it is helpful to clarify your intentions to avoid confusion about why you are doing what you plan to do. Don't leave your intent to interpretation. Make it well known, so there is no misunderstanding. This could be an intention specific to the situation, or it could be a summary of your values or needs. For example, when my friend sat down with me to ask for a loan, they were upfront that they needed a favor and that they were going to be honest and transparent about their situation.
Another way to enhance trust-building is to be clear about what you're going to do. When you're driving down the highway and you need to change lanes, you put on your turn signal (well, you're supposed to anyway). And the reason for that is so that others know what you are going to do. It's not so that you know you're going to change lanes; you already know that. It's to communicate your intentions to the other drivers. When you are clear with someone about what you’re about to do or say, it’s much easier for someone to assess whether you are being authentic and honest with your future actions or behaviors.
If you are effective in being clear about your intentions and signaling what you’re going to do, the final way to enhance trust should be obvious: do what you said you would do. If you put on your left blinker and then change lanes to the right, people are going to be very confused. Not only that, what are they going to think the next time you put on your blinker? Psychologists throw around big words like authenticity or congruence, but this is the type of thing their talking about. Act in accordance with your intentions, values, and beliefs; and be consistent. What better way to ensure there is no question about whether you acted in accordance with your intentions than to state your intentions up front and then do what you said you would do.
In a way, it creates a stronger link between character and competence through communication and action. Not only will you get the job done by leveraging your skills and experience, but you will be clear about your intent and show integrity by acting in accordance with your signal. The next time you interact with a coworker or a customer, think about the level of trust you have with them and which dimensions of competence and character may be higher or lower. Take steps to reinforce the strong areas and improve on the weak areas. If you become frustrated with someone, consider whether the issue is about a lack of character or competence. Trust is a skill, so always practice. Over time, increased trust will lead to better interactions and stronger relationships.
References
Covey, S. M. R. (2006). The Speed of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything. Free Press.
Dirks, K. T., & Ferrin, D. L. (2002). Trust in leadership: Meta-analytic findings and implications for research and practice. Journal of Applied Psychology, 87(4), 611-628.
Google Dictionary. (n.d.). Trust. In Google Dictionary. https://www.google.com/search?q=trust+definition&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1050US1065&oq=trust+definition&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCwgAEEUYJxg7GIoFMgsIABBFGCcYOxiKBTIHCAEQABiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIHCAUQABiABDIGCAYQRRg8MgYIBxBFGDzSAQgxODkyajFqNKgCALACAA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
Kramer, R. M., & Tyler, T. R. (1996). Trust in organizations: Frontiers of theory and research. Sage.
Mayer, R. C., Davis, J. H., & Schoorman, F. D. (1995). An integrative model of organizational trust. Academy of Management Review, 20(3), 709-734.
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Trust. In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust?utm_campaign=sd&utm_medium=serp&utm_source=jsonld
Zak, P. J. (2017). The Neuroscience of Trust. Harvard Business Review, 95(1), 84-90.